


All I Want

by hackingxbiochemist



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Songfic, skimmons - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-29
Updated: 2015-07-29
Packaged: 2018-04-11 22:58:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4455749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hackingxbiochemist/pseuds/hackingxbiochemist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Skye losed Jemma again, now without any goodbye, and there was no sign that Jemma will come back. Jemma had told her she loves her, now face to face, they were starting to continue things they leave when Jemma left. But she’s gone. Jemma’s gone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All I Want

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This is a songfic based on the song "All I Want" by Kodaline. This was set post season 1 finale and kinda through season 2 but not great details. I am so sorry for grammar mistakes or wrong details from the show. I just had an inspiration at 11.30 p.m. and I pushed through until 3.48 a.m. to finish this fic. It was too sad for me that I almost cry writing this, some of the scenes were inspired from a YouTube video named "50 Reasons to Ship Skimmons" by GaiaKi and also the last part of this fic was inspired from a fanart on Tumblr, but I forgot the username, if you guys know it can you tell me the username, because I would really like to credit it. I'm gonna warn you first this will not end in a happy ending, this will be an angsty Skimmons.

**_All I want is nothing more, to hear you knocking at my door_ **

**_'Cause if I could see your face once more, I could die a happy man I'm sure_ **

After the Hydra chaos, everything was a blur for Skye. Ward betrayed the team for that crazy Nazi party. Fitz was in a coma, laying hopelessly on the medical pod. Coulson was trying to rebuild S.H.I.E.L.D., after receiving Fury’s toolbox; it was easier for him to figure out what to do next. May was busy helping Coulson and operating the new Bus. The only thing that remained clear for Skye was Jemma. She’s a ray of sunshine in the midst of the darkness. Jemma always had this effect on her, to be positive, to feel good and lastly, to hope. Even tough Jemma was still conflicted by Fitz’s confession while they were on the bottom of the ocean, she still cared deeply for Fitz, and she knew that it was also to keep her alive, Fitz had brain damage. If it wasn’t for Fitz, she won’t be able to meet Skye again, being in Skye embrace was impossible if she drowned on that moment.

The first night after Jemma returned to the Playground, back with the team, Skye heard screaming from Jemma’s room. So she decided to check what’s wrong, she can’t allow more Hydra to ruin their lives. Skye ran toward Jemma’s room, when she opened the door, she found Jemma screaming in her sleep. Moving uneasily on her own bed, Jemma was sweating and her face looked rigid. Skye approached Jemma quietly and sat on the edge of her bed.

Stroking Jemma’s hair softly as she said, “Jems, wake up, it’s just a dream,”.

Jemma woke up to the sound of Skye’s voice, still panting, “S-skye, h-how, wh-hat?”.

“I heard you scream just before Jems, I thought something’s wrong,” Skye answered.

“Oh, no, I’m sorry, did I wake you up?” Jemma asked worriedly.

“No you don’t Jems, I just wanna check up on you, too,” Skye said as she held Jemma’s hand “now, do you want to talk about it?”

“I was back at the chamber with Fitz, we were sinking down to the bottom of the ocean, I knew that the oxygen was only enough for the one of us, th-then Fitz, h-he,” Jemma choked as she told Skye her dream.

Skye pulled Jemma into her embrace, rubbing Jemma’s back as she whispered to Jemma, “You’re okay now, you’re here, you’re safe, and none of it is your fault,”.

“I-I thought, I will never s-see you ag-gain,” Jemma stuttered in between her sobs.

“I know Jems, I thought so too, but now you’re here, you’re safe, and I will protect you,” Skye told Jemma soothingly, still rubbing her back to make her calm down.

Starting from that night, Skye’s routine was to check up on Jemma, and Jemma asked Skye to stay with her after every nightmare. So the two would woke up in the morning, curled up against each other, most of the time it will be Skye holding Jemma in her arms. Since then, Jemma had smile a little brighter, talked a bit chipper, and sleep better. By the time Jemma’s nightmare stopped, she was too reluctant to let go of Skye, so she doesn’t say anything to Skye and let Skye hold her every night until they both sleep soundly.

After two months or so, Jemma was already back on her usual routine, working in the lab, examining new specimens and also taking care of Fitz. And Skye still went to her room to accompany her, until one night Skye went to Jemma’s room and she wasn’t there. Jemma was gone.

Skye went rogue, she rushed directly to Coulson, saying Jemma was abducted. Coulson told her to sit down on his office and he explained to her that Jemma was taking a break for the time being. It was impossible for Jemma to take a break in the midst of the condition. So she pressed on Coulson, until she could concluded herself, that Jemma was either sent on a mission, or she quit S.H.I.E.L.D.

But why didn’t she say anything? The past few months has been better, Skye knew Jemma was not restless in her bed anymore, she knew that Jemma’s nightmare had stopped. However, Skye loved holding Jemma in her arms, feeling Jemma’s warmth, smelling her hair and waking up in the morning next to her.  At least if Jemma felt insecure or tired, she would confide in Skye right? And now Jemma Simmons was gone, leaving her alone, like what most of people did. Why don’t Jemma tell her this, why didn’t she say goodbye? Skye only hoped that she could saw Jemma once more, holding her in her arms, then she will be content even though it’s killing her inside.

 

**_When you said your last goodbye, I died a little bit inside_ **

**_I lay in tears in bed all night, alone without you by my side_ **

Skye tried not to cry when Coulson informed her that Jemma had leave. She knew that crying over Jemma will only made her miserable. So she pushed through everyday, she believed that Jemma was somewhere, thinking about her too. But the longer Jemma was gone, the more hurt and bitter Skye was. She was going through her laptop when she received an email from Jemma, inside it was a code, and Skye decrypt it. It led through a cloud account and there was only one file inside, it was a video, titled ‘To Skye’. Skye double-clicked it and played the video, it was from Jemma.

_“Hello Skye, by the time you decrypted this I must be gone from S.H.I.E.L.D., I am sorry I can’t tell you where I went, but I needed to take some time from all of this, it has been overwhelming for me.” Jemma said as tears started to well up in her eyes. Holding her tears, she continued, “ I wished you the best of luck, and keep on training with May, you were getting better each day, I watched you every day. Keep everybody safe, and especially, please take care of Fitz.” by the time Jemma stopped speaking, it was obviously clear that she can’t hold back her tears. As she muffled her cry she finished the video with, “I love you Skye, goodbye.”_

Skye didn’t realize that she was crying halfway through the end of Jemma’s video. She swore she won’t cry, but why in the world it was so hard to not cry? Skye then laid in her bed, recounting the times she and Jemma were together in each other’s embrace. And she just remembered something from the last night before Jemma was gone.

_Skye was holding Jemma in her arms, as the other hand stroked Jemma’s hair. Jemma’s eyes fluttered open slowly._

_“What time is it Skye?” she said groggily._

_Skye looked at the watch, “ It is 2 a.m Jemma, do you have nightmares again?”_

_“Maybe I do have, but I don’t know, your presence here scared off the nightmares maybe, I can’t seem to remember any nightmares,” Jemma said to Skye._

_“Why are you saying it like it is a bad thing Jems? I am not that despicable that even nightmares are scared of me right?” Skye replied as she chuckled._

_“No, of course not, Skye,” Jemma scrunched her nose, “I am so grateful that you are willing to stay with me these past months,”_

_“No biggies Jem, it is also my pleasure, now go get some sleep since no nightmare is bothering you anymore,” Skye smiled and kissed Jemma’s forehead._

_“Okay then,” Jemma seem that she wanted to say more, but then she stopped and simply say, “goodbye Skye,” and closed her eyes, burying her head on the crook of Skye’s neck._

And in that moment, Skye realized that Jemma was saying her goodbye. Moreover, after watching the video Jemma sent, it felt like somebody squeezed her heart, it hurts so much Skye think she would die right there, right now. Tears streamed down her eyes as she laid on her bed, thinking about Jemma. Usually it was the two of them on the bed, but now Skye was alone, the spot beside her was empty, it was cold. The bed felt bigger and the room felt colder, everything was killing Skye slowly. And so it began, Skye cried herself to sleep every night alone.

**_But if you loved me, why'd you leave me?_ **

**_Take my body, take my body_ **

**_All I want is, and all I need is_ **

**_To find somebody, I'll find somebody like you._ **

It dawned on Skye every night after she watched Jemma’s video, she was feeling things that she know she couldn’t handle. Pain and bitterness mixed together, she doesn’t know how to act anymore. Sure, she started every new day with a smile, doing her everyday routine without any emotional complications. But every night, after she was finished with dinner and all, and she was back at her room, the thought of Jemma keep coming back to her. Skye knew it was useless for her to try to be positive, suppressing her sadness, but she realized that the hole in her heart after Jemma left was too big, she can’t pretend nothing happened. Jemma told her that she loved her back on the video, and the million dollar question is, why leave her when she said she love her? It doesn’t make any sense. Skye was confused and angry; she doesn’t know who to blame it to. She wanted to be angry toward Jemma, but she can’t she loved her too much for it. And it was not only Skye that was suffering, Fitz was the same. Everybody had a coping method; Skye’s was crying herself to sleep at night, thinking about Jemma, while Fitz’s way was more extreme than hers. After Fitz’s was diagnosed that he had partial brain damage, he lose most of his vocabulary. He can’t even pronounce simple things, he knew what he wanted to say but he just can’t get it out. Skye helped him through it, Skye accompanied him, and sometimes they both stay by each other’s side, not saying anything. And it seems Fitz’s was hallucinating that Jemma was still there with them, Skye noticed if she was not with Fitz, she saw Fitz talking alone to the wind. At first she thought Fitz was trying to train himself to start regaining his memory of words, but then it hit her like a train, Fitz was talking to Jemma. It hurts her seeing Fitz like that, and it pierces her more when she thought about Jemma. Skye thought she was never going to lose her, she was wrong.  Skye couldn’t help but think, why don’t Jemma brought her too? Why can’t they both be together? Is Skye not good enough? Is it because of her that Jemma leaves? Or maybe Jemma was done with all of them? Skye just can’t believe it.

It was after she saw Fitz are getting worse and she felt the loneliest, she realized that Jemma had leave for good, she won’t come back. She started to accept that reality when Trip commented about Fitz’s condition.

“I can’t believe she abandoned him like that,” Trip said.

 She answered bitterly, “She abandoned all of us” and turned away, holding back her tears.

Skye can’t imagine life without Jemma, but she needed to move on. No one could replaced her, nobody understands her like Jemma do, and the more it sink in on her mind, the more she was sure that only Jemma could make her whole again.

**_So you brought out the best of me, a part of me I've never seen._ **

**_You took my soul and wiped it clean, our love was made for movie screens._ **

Jemma was back on the Bus after exactly 6 months of leaving. Skye just know the information from May, and how her heart dropped when she heard that Simmons is actually had been undercover on Hydra for about 5 months. Skye realized that Jemma was not selfish; she was sent on the mission by Coulson to learn what was happening on Hydra. She was proud of Jemma, but on the other side she worried for her, because undercover missions obviously require lying skills. Unfortunately, Jemma sucked at it. Can’t hide her shock from what May said, Skye accidentally replied, “I love her, but her trying to lie, it’s a horror show,”. May assured her that Simmons had training and she was better than Skye thought, so Skye just need to hold on. It was not until Skye was alone in her room that she realized she told May that she loves Jemma, oh god. Skye never told anybody that she loves them, because she knew that every time she got attached to a person, it only led her to disappointment. But Jemma is different, she brought the side of Skye herself doesn’t know it exists.

After Jemma went back everything was better, but it all stopped until Trip, Skye and Raina were in the temple. They touched the stone and it changed everything, Trip died; he was buried and now recovered in fragments from the temple. Raina was gone, she was also buried on the remains, however she managed to recover and flee. Skye was at first covered by the elements from the stone, she thought she was gonna die, but then she was alive, but Trip was not. Skye grieved for she loses a dear friend and she felt guilt, why did Trip died and she does not? And where the hell is Raina? What really happened on the temple? Am I gonna be okay? Questions were hurling through her mind.

It doesn’t get better then after it, Fitz discovered that her DNA sequence was changed and she shouldn’t have survived that accident on the temple. Fitz said it was…inhuman. And Skye was scared, she was afraid to accept that something has changed within her. Something’s wrong with her, Fitz had agreed to keep it a secret and protect her from the rest of the team.

Skye was hanging out on the lab when Jemma talked about the changes in DNA sequence; she said specifically that those kinds of things should be ‘eradicated’. Obviously, it was because it was out of place and they don’t know if it is harmful or not. What Jemma said was all true, but it still hurt Skye so damn much. Jemma’s words kept replaying in her head, Jemma thought of her as an abomination right now that should be destroyed. Skye doesn’t know if she was human anymore.

Then it was revealed to the whole team, Skye was the one who caused the shakings. She was emotionally unstable, and she tried to explain to the team, protecting also Fitz because he was the one who covered for her, altering the experiment results. When Sif and Vin-Tak wanted to capture her, May pulled her out of the room, bringing her to the quarantine area as the rumblings goes on. By the time Skye passed the lab, Jemma was standing on the door of the lab, confused of what’s going on, trying to figure out what’s wrong, and Skye shouted while she run, “I’m sorry, Jemma”. It was then Jemma realized what had happened behind her back, hurt was evident in her eyes, but it was more of sadness she had. Why did Skye not tell her sooner? So all this time Fitz and Skye were keeping a secret behind her back? She thought they were the best of friends, they went through all things together, keeping no secrets. But it seemed that has changed.

Skye then decided to shoot herself with the night-night gun to stop the rumblings that she caused. The one thing on her mind when she shot herself was Jemma’s safety. She does not want this building to crumble while Jemma’s inside and also the whole team were inside. So she did the thing she never imagines she could did, she shot herself, allowing her to be easily catch by Sif and Vin-Tak. She realized that Jemma brought this side of her, this was her best, selfless side, not the usual selfish and senseless side.  However, she believed that the whole team will protect her and stand up for her, maybe, except Jemma.

“She’s different, Skye is my friend,” that’s what Jemma said to Fitz after the whole fiasco. Fitz was afraid Jemma will also try to destroy Skye if she knew that something’s wrong with Skye. Jemma can’t believe it, Leopold Fitz, his best friend since they were in high school, didn’t know anything about her. How can Fitz think that she would be able to ‘eradicate’ Skye? Since that day, Jemma tried to prove to Skye that she still loves her, and she worked around the clock to learn about Skye’s DNA, and also made gloves that helped Skye in recovering while trying to control her power faster. She Skyped with Skye when Skye was on the safe house. Just looking at Skye made her relieved, and how Jemma wished things haven’t changed between them two. She also snatched Skye’s hula girl from the Bus, giving it back to Skye, Jemma lost her words, she forgot things she want to say to Skye.

Skye was dangerous now, she knew it, but Jemma never leave her side. Skye was still shocked at Jemma’s opinion about the difference in the DNA sequence. But, after Skye lied to Jemma about her condition, and ignored her because she leaves, Skye accepted that Jemma will hate her. After all, she was only an abomination that could cause death on people, while Jemma was a biochemist who helped saved lives of people, totally opposites. However Jemma did not leave her, she stay with her, Coulson told her Jemma worked very hard on figuring out the DNA sequence. Then Coulson gave her a pair of gloves, he said that Jemma made it for her to help her recover faster from her power, Skye teared up when Coulson mentioned it. Then Jemma gave her the hula girl, even tough Skye looks like she doesn’t really care, but inside, her heart was blossoming. She was starting to believe again that her and Jemma could work again, just like the old times. She missed Jemma too much. And it was funny, how their story was one like the movie. Jemma chose to love Skye without any demands, even though she knew Skye have an unknown dangerous powers, Jemma doesn’t care, she tried to make this all right. Nobody ever loves Skye this fierce and lasting like Jemma. Now Skye knows what redemption felt like, and she allowed herself to be loved again and to love again.

**_But if you loved me_ **

**_Why'd you leave me?_ **

**_Take my body, take my body._ **

**_All I want is, and all I need is_ **

**_To find somebody, I'll find somebody._ **

Skye was watching the monitors on the Bus when she saw it. One second Jemma was in front of the Kree Stone, and the next second she was gone. Skye still can’t believe her eyes, she needed to check immediately so she went downstairs to the room where they kept the Kree Stone.

There was no sign of Jemma.

The goddamn Kree Stone devoured her, Skye banged into the box that protected the stone, nothing got out or reacts. She tried to destroy the box with her power and she knew the whole team felt the vibrations she caused. They all came rushing in to the room, asking Skye what happened, Skye doesn’t care, she kept trying to break the stone, hoping to save Jemma, hoping the stone will vomited Jemma back. It was not until she felt her knees were too weak to hold her she almost collapsed but Coulson and Mack was holding her.   
“She’s gone,” Skye said blankly, her eyes gazed toward the stone, “that fucking Kree Stone sucked Jemma in,”

Skye losed Jemma again, now without any goodbye, and there was no sign that Jemma will come back. Jemma had told her she loves her, now face to face, they were starting to continue things they leave when Jemma left. But she’s gone. Jemma’s gone.

Now Skye had a new night routine, she would go down to the room where the stone was kept, bringing a mug of tea, and her laptop. Leaning on the box, Skye watched Doctor Who and commented as if Jemma was there, after that she will returned to her room. Or sometimes she would fall asleep beside the box, dreaming of the nights when she and Jemma used to lie down together. Skye just wished that the stone had devoured the both of them, she doesn’t care what will happened to her, as long as she’s with Jemma, everything will be okay.

**Fin**

**Author's Note:**

> So what do you think guys? Kudos and comments are appreciated. xoxo


End file.
